Hidan learns about Yaoi
by Sword-of-Shin
Summary: Hidan finds out what Yaoi is... short one-shot, no actual yaoi action. Rated T for Hidan's mouth.


Kakuzu was reading, enjoying what he knew to be a short-lived moment of silence in his hotel room. Soon Hidan would be back from his ritual to annoy Kakuzu until he finally either threatened Hidan with bodily harm, or actually did Hidan bodily harm.

Suddenly, Kakuzu was able to faintly hear footsteps approach, and knew that it was Hidan coming back from his sacrifice. Kakuzu cursed the unusually short interval of peace as the door slammed open to reveal the Jashinist, a strange expression on his face.

"Oi, Kakuzu. You ever heard of yaoi?"

Kakuzu looked up from his book briefly, but then returned to it, having no interest in Hidan's question. "No."

Hidan stood for a moment at the doorway, but then came in and shut the door rather gently. Kakuzu wondered at this for a moment, since Hidan usually slammed the doors open and shut as loud as he could. He claimed that it was a scare tactic. Kakuzu suspected it was so everyone in the room would give him attention.

There was a prolonged silence in the room as Hidan made his way to his bed on the other side of the room and sat down, without a word. It crossed Kakuzu's mind how odd this was, but he decided to enjoy it while it lasted and so read on.

"Hey, Kakuzu."

Kakuzu mentally twitched with annoyance, "What?"

"You wanna know what yaoi is?"

"Not particularly."

"Well I'm gonna tell you, 'cause it just sounds weird to me."

Kakuzu was silent, hoping that if he gave no response Hidan would just get angry at him and leave the room. No such luck.

"Yaoi is when a guy and another guy have _sex_."

It took Kakuzu a moment to fully register what Hidan was saying, since he was half-ignoring him. When he finally did, he glanced up from his book at Hidan. "So?"

"So? _So_?! That's all you have to fucking say on this is _so_? It's fucking unnatural! And how the hell does it even _work_?"

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow, "Why do you want to know?"

Hidan glared at him, "I don't want to _know_. I just can't fucking believe someone would do it! Why the hell would a guy have _sex_ with another man! It's disgusting!"

Kakuzu went back to his book, saying, "Some men are attracted to other men. Who cares?"

"Why the _hell_ would a guy like another guy?"

"Hidan. I don't know, and I don't care. Stop pestering me about it."

Hidan growled angrily, "I'm not pestering, I'm just asking. Jeesh, lighten up a little."

The rest of the evening passed with little conversation, much to Kakuzu's surprise. Hidan seemed preoccupied with something, as if he was trying to figure something out. As long as Hidan didn't talk, Kakuzu didn't care what was on his mind. He found out later that night.

Kakuzu had actually fallen asleep, which was rather strange. Usually, he would drift in and out of consciousness, always aware of what was going on around him. But tonight was one of the nights that Kakuzu actually slept. And this sleep was suddenly interrupted by a cry of revelation and horror from Hidan's side of the room.

Kakuzu sat up, ready to attack, thinking that someone was trying to kill him in his sleep. But glancing to the other side of the room, he saw that Hidan was banging his head on one of his bedposts. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! Why the HELL did I think about it? Jashin-sama forgive me!"

Kakuzu watched Hidan's self-punishment for a moment before realizing what had happened, and why Hidan had been so quiet after their conversation. Hidan had been trying to figure out how two men could have sex. And because Hidan was so stubbornly curious, he thought about it until he came up with a conclusion. A particularly graphic conclusion, judging from Hidan's reaction. Whether or not Hidan had really figured it out was impossible to know. What really amused Kakuzu was that Hidan didn't even realize what he was doing could be considered a sin until he had already done it.

As soon as Hidan had started bleeding, Kakuzu decided that it was time to make the Jashinist stop, or else get kicked out by the owners of the hotel because of the noise. As he got up he said, "Stop it, Hidan. You're going to wake everyone up."

Hidan only paused to answer, "Hell if I care. I need to make this up to Jashin-sama."

"Make it up to him later."

"I'm going to fucking do it NOW."

"No, you're not."

"YEAH? And why the fuck NOT?"

"Because I will tear off all your limbs, seal your mouth shut, and hang your body parts in a tree if you don't_ shut up._"

Hidan glared at Kakuzu, and Kakuzu returned the glare with a look that said "you-know-I'm-not-bluffing." Hidan wiped away the blood running down his cheek, still glaring, "Fine. But I'll be doing double on my sacrifices for a week, you fucking asshole."

Kakuzu turned and went back to his bed, satisfied that he had gotten his point across. It was a good twenty minutes before Hidan spoke up again, "Kakuzu."

"_What_?" Kakuzu responded, his voice dangerously low.

"You're a fucking asshat, and I would never even consider you a friend, and I would _never_, I swear to Jashin-sama, do yaoi with you."

Kakuzu wondered if he should mock Hidan's statement in some way, but instead he said, "The feeling is mutual. Now shut the hell up."


End file.
